7/30/05 11:31 |
check out my temporary blog: ron's blog
7/27/05 23:13 |
who is she?
she is the girl who took my breath away
she swept me off my feet
and has pushed me to do my best
for the better,
who is she again?
she's the one who i see the promise
a better future perhaps?
a sunken treasure ready to be acknowledged?
perhaps... perhaps...
the speed of life is actually one of the most interesting things that happens.
it happens in a snap
in a second
a millisecond maybe?
speed of light?
there's a chance that our own lives is simply a consolation.
a consolation...
maybe for the things on what we could have done
or maybe the things we didn't
somehow, life has a way of crucifying you to your situation
and sometimes that cross that hold you keeps you there
until someone comes along and actually gives u pain
by removing the already painful nails
that holds u up there
when you go down
that same person... actually helps u step up
and helps u out
it's like the feeling of getting buried
deep inside a coffin... six feet underground
your sweat trickling down your face
tears running down your cheeks
no point in screaming
no one can hear you anyway
then you see sunlight
peering through a crack created by the earth's pressure
what?
suddenly... the coffin opens
then you're blinded by the sun
it took you awhile to adjust your eyes
then you realize
that it was the girl you thought impossible to reach
she just saved u.
yeah yeah yeah it's just a metaphor of the feeling of being alone.
or the rut?
what is it in this world that people speak about?
then again... i'm just ranting.
repost: June 15, 2004 at 5:15pm 12:48 |
our ways are intertwined more than once
but we can never tell when our souls go down
nor will we know when it'll rise
i deem that my life will fall
from the ashes of misery i rose
and pushed my life to it's fullest...
or did i?
for every life...
there's death...
for every breath you take...
there's breath you exhale...
for every moment i love...
there's always somebody i forsook...
for every golden road i take...
there's always a surprisingly big bump ahead...
for every minute i work...
there's an equal time i slack off...
for every hard planning...
there's always a downfall...
for every pro...
there's always a con...
does that mean, for everything i think, there's always a negative thought counter reacting it?
life...
unimagineable...
unexplorable...
unexplainable...
unexpressable...
unfair...
unjust...
but we still don't know why we're have ways of making ourselves happy
why? are we insane?
eons ago, i lost my self proclaimation of being a smart and good looking guy...
i never was
i felt my ego dissipated in the dark harnesses of life
i used to talk the talk...
but now my screams can't even be heard...
i used to be a bastard in front of the teachers, and they can't do anything to me since i know my way through their classes,
but now, i sit in the very back of the class, sleeping, imagining, not even attempting to listen to the prof. sure, i manage to pass, but i'm very lost.
i used to be so impatient with the pace of the school, telling myself that the profs are feeding us with a silver spoon.
now, i feel as if they are going too fast, and with all those weird things in their classroom things...
01:44 |
i felt my inner self crumbling against the violent skies
complaining of a pain that has long since lived
forever in the debts of mercy
and forever chained in the fist of angry
7/21/05 06:44 |
I have always loved you the first time I saw you. The first time we kissed, the first time I felt a genuine hug, and the first time you told me you love me… the times we hanged out, good or bad, I love those milestones. You know, we have so many milestones together than I have in my entire life, and I would want that to continue throughout my breathing life.
7/19/05 16:19 |
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away
15:37 |
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sideways tour 7/18/05 22:55 |
for our anniversary celebration, we decided to follow a path of a movie.
we started pretty early... for a saturday.
we left lakewood at around 7:21am, after picking up something from ralph's and mcdonalds, and after filling the gas tank up.
it was a sort of long drive, but we kept ourselves amused. we decided to pass by a barnes and nobel for a pit stop. just our luck, they were selling maps on the wine tour and we decided to buy one. i also bought the latest nine inch nails cd and a heavy metal magazine to keep ourselves amused.
after 130miles of driving, we arrived at the local highway 154. it's a slow drive since it was a mountain path. i took a lot of photos of the marvelous scenery. our first stop was supposedly the foxen winery and vineyards, but we decided to go to the first one we see instead.
we saw Curtis first, but ahead was Firestone. We went to firestone, and as tep recalls, tells me that this was owned by that bachelor. we went ahead and tasted their line up. which i cannot recall which.
we found out that wine tasting in the curtis yard is complimentary if we have our firestone wine glasses. so we went and tasted there again.
i'm sleepy. to be continued
06:35 |
i feel darkness closing in on me. i wonder how i can get through the life that i lead?
Strangely enough, i love this song so much the past several days, even hearing another version in an ad on tv.
Such Great Heights
- The Postal Service
I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes
are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned.
And I have to speculate
that God Himself did make
us into corresponding shapes
like puzzle pieces from the clay.
And true it may seem like a stretch
but it's thoughts like this that catch
my troubled head when you're away
and when I am missing you to death.
And when you are out there on the road
for several weeks of shows
and when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home.
they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now" they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now" but we'll stay
I tried my best to leave
this all on your machine
but the persistent beat
it sounded thin upon the sending.
and that frankly will not fly
you'll hear the shrillest highs
and lowest lows with the windows down
and this is guiding you home.
they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now" they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now" but we'll stay
they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now" they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now" but we'll stay
they will see us waving from such great heights
"come down now" they'll say
but everything looks perfect from far away
"come down now" but we'll stay
18:12 |
in life, we always assume that everything is ok, well... it's actually not. especially that our senior management tells us that everything is ok, but that freaking merger is actually not OK.
17:51 |
strangely enough, i am still alive.
when the thoughts of laughter work through my brain, i think to myself, what for? sometimes i get too deeply engorged in an activity that i just think that there is no end to misery.
laughter is more complicated that i would have ever imagined. when deep down inside, i just wouldn't know what would make me commit to myself and i. blah blah blah. ambot. life sucks, and then some.
11:51 |
my list of failed blogs....
tpac 2: hawaii
tep's bday surprise
tpp
dovp
deq's online journal
my list of inactive blogs:
ron's daemon
ron's blog
celebration of our destruction
violated insanity
msgs
angelic fall
ron's web
the angelicfall
moved
rebelious daemon
an ode to sis
tep's bday
7/7/05 23:15 |
freakishly small world!
tep just found out that a chatter i was chatting is a sister of a guy we hang out with.
i just found out that my cousin is close to ian.
hehehe
7/6/05 23:29 |
rosalynne told me not to go to that restaurant in san pedro, the food is not great daw.
she recommended lighthouse in long beach's shoreline village.
or claim jumper, for a cheaper date and pool the money for the solvang getaway (are we still in?)
23:05 |
in this lifetime, there can only be one copy of the best me.
i am the best that i can push myself,
and yet i am filled with angst.
7/4/05 22:56 |
in the agony and suffering of the tormented soul,
a perfected offspring comes out,
a new soul,
a new life,
ready to begin,
ready to take on challenges that was left,
a new breathe of fresh air,
a new breathe of life,
a new understanding,
especially in the ever changing world of the apocalypse,
sick and death,
treasures and mournings,
light at a bottomless pit,
fire in the midst of rain,
screaming in silence,
painfully living,
striving,
making a living,
trying to understand a science no one has understood,
a science that nobody knows.