2/24/05 23:08 |
while poking bamboo skewers into pork barbeque, ate rosalynne decided to call trina (our niece) just for the heck of it. we had her on speaker phone and these are some excerpts: (oh btw, she's 7 this year).
joey: Trin! yung utang mong gift sa akin?
trina: ano gusto mo?
joey: one thousand dollars
trina: ang laki nun! one thousand pesos lang, meron kami.
joey: pano ang birthday ni basti? di two thousand dollars na?
trina: ang kulit mo naman tito dowey! sabi ngang wala kaming one thousand dollars eh!
joey: diba birthday ni tita sheila? pano nalang sha?
trina: wala nga akong gamit sa kwarto ko eh! pink na pintura lang sa dingding! hingi ka pa ng dollars sa akin!
rosalynne: pink kwarto mo? akala ko red?
trina: nagkamali ng bili si mommy eh!
rosalynne: walang gamit kwarto mo? kawawa ka naman...
trina: opo, yung bedsheets ko yung nasa merville.
rosalynne: gusto mo ng princess bedsheet?
trina: opo
joey: blue na princess bedsheets?
trina: tito dowey naman eh, prince yun!
rosalynne: oo nga tito dowey (imitates trina's pronunciation), para sa prince yun.
- trina gives phone to her mom, raziel
rosalynne: abi nakog red imong i kolor sa iyang room? (akala ko pula ang kulay ng room nya?)
raziel: mugamay man ang kwarto kung red (liliit yung kwarto pag red ang kulay)
rosalynne: *laughs* ah okies
trina: walang laman yung kwarto ko! walang tv!
rosalynne: nasan ang tv mo?
trina: nasa baba
rosalynne: ano?
trina: ang kulit mo naman eh, sabi ng nasa baba!
- everyone laughs
rosalynne: unsa man te? wala shay princess nga bed sheets?
raziel: naa man na shay princess nga bed sheets. daghan kaayo kog gipalit sa thailand.
trina (butts in): WALA AH!
raziel (speaking to trina): diba may princess kang bed sheets?
trina: wala no!
raziel: eh yung little twin stars?
trina: eh hindi princess yun eh! stars stars lang yun!
- everyone laughs again
raziel: ok trin
rosalynne whispers in the back: gusto magpapalit
rosalynne to Trina: sige trin, bilihan ka namin ng princess bedsheets
joey: te, unsa man tong hollar among gakadunggan sa tv?
trina (background): hollar!
- everyone laughs
raziel: australian for hello daw na
joey: ah mao ba?
- raziel hands phone back to Trina
mama zeny: trin, wawa ka naman, wala kang gamit sa kwarto mo?
trina: opo
mama zeny: sige bilihan ka namin ng gamit mo. ano gusto mo sa birthday mo?
trina: wala
mama zeny: wala? sigurado ka?
trina: opo
joey: sige na trin, punta kanalang dito para sa birthday mo.
trina: pupunta ako ng bikol eh!
rosalynne: san ka school trin?
trina: st scho
rosalynne: wow! ganda ng school mo ah! eh di puro nag iingles mga kaklase mo?
trina: hindi po, nagtatagalog po sila
rosalynne: bat ayaw mo mang ingles sa yaya mo?
trina: yoko nga
rosalynne: baket?
trina: hindi sha nakakaintindi ng ingles eh
- everyone laughs
rosalynne: eh di turuan mo?
trina: yoko ngaaaaa
joey: sige trin, wag ka nalang bigay gift sa amin, punta ka nalang dito
trina: yoko, pupunta ako ng bikol eh.
rosalynne: bikolana ka na pala trin? kala ko american ka na?
trina: eh pupunta ako ng bikol eh! (sounded upset)
joey: ayoko jan! ang init jan eh!
trina: giniginaw si mommy jan eh! buti dito sa amin d maginaw!
rosalynne: hindi ka na pala american trin?
trina: apo ako ni papa bert eh! (she remembered my dad's line pretty well)
- everyone laughs
trina: buti pa jan eh, d na kelangan ng electric fan
joey: sino peborit mong tito trin? (kuya joey knows it's not him)
trin: si tito john!
joey: wala kang gift galing sa akin sa birthday mo!
trin: gwapo naman kayong tatlo!
- everyone laughs
I think i missed some, but these are the majority of it. ehehe smart ass kid.
21:13 |
i am so frustrated and upset.
what happened earlier today made me feel buried six feet below the ground.
on my way home, i didn't have anything else to do but ask, why me?
I know i worked hard to get where i am right now, but it seems like it wasn't enough. i am downright depressed. As i worked myself through the traffic, tears rolling down my cheeks, i asked over and over again, why me lord? i wondered why all the things i have done that are good to my team and the next person in line was shattered to pieces by that single meeting. it was a gruesome one hour meeting. i was so frustrated about the things that happened to the groups, and the lack of cooperation from my counterpart over at the sister company.
stress and torture is what i'm feeling now, as my sheer optimism to get closer to perfectionism, slowly degraded into mere dust. i thought through all the wonderful things i thought i can be of and what i can become, but i asked myself again, what have i become?
as questions of blame and torture filled me in along my route home, and as tears fell out of my eyes, i asked, of the entire pressure that i was given, why am i breaking down now? i told myself to be strong, and keep pushing my body to its entirety. i wondered, how long do i have to suffer?
cigarette smoke doesn't seem to satisfy my quest to relax, i want to get away, i have to get away. half of the company's a/r is on my shoulders. i don't know how, or why. i have spent countless hours of calling all these people that are mere useless names of self dignity. i tried to triumph over my fears, my stresses and my frustrations, nonetheless, i'm completely torn both inside and out.
2/21/05 22:34 |
i'm outta here by summer or at least when fall starts.
school at santa ana community college...
work at santa ana...
live in costa mesa or other neighboring cities...
whatever is cheaper.
00:40 |
talk about stuff...
somebody knocked on my door... he was persistent. very persistent.
he said "ron, himo daw kag kape"
i thought, fine, i'll make some.
so i made coffee and went back to my room.
somebody persistently knocked again, "ron, can you serve coffee??"
i was like, "what? why do u have to like bother me like this? can't you make it urselves?"
i served it anyhow without saying a word.
i just left the kitchen table and wrote this shit up.
Interesting... 2/17/05 12:42 |
At exactly noon time (on our watches anyway), vicki dragged me out of my desk for the pizza senior management treated us to. when we went to the first floor, nobody was still there so we headed off to smoke. After smoking we went back to the first floor lunch room and treated ourselves to pizza. at around 12:20pm, we went back to smoke.
our conversation was pretty interesting, i asked her, are dave and you married?
she answers, "no, we're domestic partners for 25 years." i went on and continued, "aren't you guys getting married?" her answer made me think.
"why?"
i was dumbstruck by her answer, i asked myself the same question, why? why are people getting married? she took back her question by telling me "we'll get married when we move to arizona." and we started heading off back to our building. the question lingered in my head.
so, why are people getting married? say after 25 years of domestic partnership, would you still get married?
21:58 |
sometimes the road less traveled is so damn hard.
sometimes, in order to go for the better, sacrifices have to be made.
I will have to sacrifice the comfort of my own family for a little while,
this is a start of a peregrinate...
maybe my life will become even more complicated as it is... but it'll make me stronger and more independent. i need to have a life on my own. i want to live on my own decisions. perhaps in due time, i will show something that people can be proud of me... or i can be proud of.
let me be more specific. i am very clueless right now on what to do. i wanted to return the favors i have asked from people that helped me, but i don't know how. sometimes when i'm stuck on the 405, i ask myself, what have i become? or who am i? then confusion and the feeling of torment starts to reside in my own humanity.
i want to live.
21:55 |
everyday is a journey,
an endless journey towards unprecedented unknown,
sleep deprivation,
stress elevation,
meritocratic nation,
and an unknown destination.
all adds up to our current standard.
maybe tomorrow is a better day...
maybe not.
god... help me.
build me up buttercup 22:05 |
--busted
Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
"I'll be over at ten", you told me time and again
But you're late, I wait around and then
I went to the door, I can't take any more
It's not you, you let me down again
(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo
Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
You were my toy but I could be the boy you adore
If you'd just let me know
Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you all the more
Why do I need you so
(Hey, hey, hey!) Baby, baby, try to find
(Hey, hey, hey!) A little time and I'll make you mine
(Hey, hey, hey!) I'll be home
I'll be beside the phone waiting for you
Ooo-oo-ooo, ooo-oo-ooo
Why do you build me up (build me up) Buttercup, baby
Just to let me down (let me down) and mess me around
And then worst of all (worst of all) you never call, baby
When you say you will (say you will) but I love you still
I need you (I need you) more than anyone, darlin'
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
I need you, more than anyone, baby
You know that I have from the start
So build me up (build me up) Buttercup, don't break my heart
2/9/05 13:33 |
The thoughts linger in the minds of folks,
That I would succumb to the eternal bliss of heavenly love,
The sunshine will rise,
Sunset will fall,
Darkness may roam,
But light seeks itself,
Let my words be engraved in the crystalline purity of the heart,
My mind be an emblem of the beauty of the human soul,
My body the vessel of my own journey,
My hands do the work of my own profession,
My lips show what I have in mind,
My eyes the window to my world.
Several months ago, I started in my quest of self-redemption, a journey that would last a lifetime. This journey is a symbol of my everyday battles in life. Perhaps the life is not as threatening as it may seem, but from the words of Cat Stevens, it’s a wild world. Not only will I spend my free time pondering and thinking of how to push myself to the fullest, but spend some time just thinking about nothing. Yeah, zero… nothing… zilch. This would help me alleviate the stress that I am currently on. I seek serenity even in the midst of the wild jungle I am on.
Earlier today, the kiosk group discussed what california has that other states doesn’t… hospitality and friendliness. This state is probably a dog eat dog state, an anti-social state. Most people living here are anti-social, and the group agrees on it. Vicki compared it to Arizona, she said that everywhere she goes there, people are simply friendly.
Sometimes I tend to think that I am not as easy to understand as I would try to understand myself. Surely, I am the only one who can better understand myself than anybody else… but at times, I end up thinking, what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I would think to myself that my life is as wasted as a piece of candy thrown in a pile of turd.