song of the day 23:38 |
From this day forward, im going to post daily about songs i like.
as for this song by slipknot, i included this on my compilation and was playing it back at work. i like the fast pace of the song. the lyrics aren't that nice though... it's actually mean.
Wait and Bleed
slipknot
I've felt the hate rise up in me...
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
I wander out where you can't see...
Inside my shell, i wait and bleed...
I wipe it off the tile, the light is brighter this time
Everything is 3D blasphemy
My eyes are red and gold, the hair is standing straight up
This is not the way I pictured me
I can't control my shakes, how the hell did I get here?
Something about this, so very wrong...
I have to laugh out loud, I wish I didn't like this
Is it a dream or a memory?
Get outta my head cuz I don't need this
Why didn't I see this?
I'm a victim - Manchurian candidate
I have sinned by just
Makin' my mind up and takin' your breath away
You haven't learned a thing
I haven't changed a thing
My flesh was in my bones
The pain was always free
And it waits for you!
23:06 |
la la la.
la la la.
la la la.
my mind is blank.
la la la.
la la la.
la la la.
i can't remember the stuff i need to pay.
la la la.
la la la.
la la la.
i'm staring at my excel financial workbook... doing nothing...
la la la.
la la la.
la la la.
OT 4/27/04 17:58 |
wow, i thought with the way things were going, there will never be overtime until fall. i was wrong. unfortunately the system upgrades has provided and loaded us with manual work (manually TYPING stuff). thirty two minutes to go, and i'm outta here!
02:25 |
shit... i have 756 photos of cherie roberts. damn.
i also have emily's solo photo. OHHH blackmail material. wahaha. all the way from 2001 baby!
a photo of Icon, Emily, Totot, Rowena, Nonette, Ron and John at Universal Studios - June 1, 2001
yeey! my f-150 manual.
some more old stuff... hehe 02:02 |
On Saturday May 1, is the first anniversary of this blog. CHEERS!
Last year on April 25, Basti was still admitted at the pICU of Miller's Children Hospital in Long Beach Memorial.
Last year on April 24, quote: "Ok, now I'm just waiting for Tootsie at her house and I'm using her computer. I don't really know what should I feel but I'm not, not sure how it feels." from the older journals.
tough shit... hahaha 01:51 |
i just thought of reposting some VERY OLD journal entries (all the way from 2k, that's the oldest, since my journals left in cdo would be as good as gone).
I FUCKED UP. I lost my 2000-2001 journal during the move and i just realized how messy my used to be organized drawers are. tsk tsk. gotta spend A LOT of time with this shit.
on my quest to find my old journal through boxes of stuff that i haven't touched since the move, i saw several things that made me remember the days when i was still a fobber fob.
i found:
some year 2000 photos, i was sporting a short, george clooney kinda haircut, bleyuck. i will never get a haircut like that again.
photos with tere.
photos with the san jose group.
photos of my 20th bday with some people tep knows
photos of tambay in the cafeteria with the gang.
photos with my fucked up eye, busted when i got beaten up years ago.
photos of the family
photos of xmases here in the u.s.
2002 journal (which i thought would also contain the 2000-2001 journal)
some very old stuff i need to burn.
some tabs i don't ever want to read.
some manuals i will never use again
some memorabilias
the 2002 ozzfest brochure
cds from tep
my solo photos (from 2001-2003: no smiling)
some old letters that i never sent
a valentine's card that i never sent
some cards from people
my old TI calculator
my old TI High End Calculator
my old organizer (i use paper now. that shit's annoying to use)
a misalet
my cigarette box collection
my illustration on a speaker box (with a theory without backing data)
chapstick ultra and chapstick lip moisturizer (two years old)
and a bunch of receipts from god knows when
01:09 |
a repost from a time --february 18, 2002
the longer time i spent away from what i was, the more i appreciate the change. i may have lost some happiness, but it's a price i need to pay for i need a more permanent form of happiness.
sooner or later the ink will run out, not from the pen, but from my mind. i could never guess how much i thought about all things that couldn't be bought. for life's not worthwhile until it's fought. i've yet to figure out what is sought, until everything i need is caught.
the more i think, the more i lose my interest on a lot of things. it may seem like a devil, but it couldn't be found.
all my thoughts are written in all things grand.
4/26/04 17:22 |
this is the construction site of www.angelicfall.org.
it was another chatic weekend, but in a good sense. last friday i basically pigged out after a bowl of letchong paksiw, two hotdogs, and a helluva thai food.
i ate like a bowl of letchong paksiw at tep's place while i waited for her to prepare. i made some calls to confirm if we really were going to hollywood park for some good fun bets on horse races.
i made a $5 to win bet on a horse. i thought i would make a lot of money when the horse DID won. i was exhuberantly joyous and happy. to my FUCKING dismay, i only won $4.50. i guess everyone thinks the same about the horse. talk about misses, i betted on the number 2 5 6, and the winning order was 6 5 2, shit, i should've trifecta boxed that shit.
we ordered some hotdogs, and i ate two. tep ate two too, all because we were starving from all the whole enchalada. before race 8, we exited the premises and headed off to sanamluang in thai town, hollywood. shit, the food was great. i PIGGED FUCKING OUT. i ate so much that teptep started to tell me, stop pigging out, (well, she said it in a better way).
after eating, we headed home. they went ahead of me and tep, cause i went to the men's room. when i went out, they were gone, i was guessing they have a good 10 min lead.
so i took the usual route, 10e, 110s, 105e... along the 105, i saw a familiar looking car ahead of us. i overtook, and i saw my dad in front. it was my brother's car. i sped off, not letting them catch me driving faster than they were. (i know my dad will react to that).
tep and i headed off down to her place, and we just watched tv until we fell asleep.
i peeled my eyes open. it was 7am. i told her, swit, it's 7am... i have to go.
so i left and went home.
i went back to sleep and woke up when my phone rang. it was skelo. he was looking for my sister. he said, did i wake you up ron? not exactly, it was getting kinda hot, so i was really almost about to wake up. i told my sister her boo called. i spoke with tep and told her that i just woke up.
16:37 |
i guess i'll have to go with the angelicfall [ron's web v. 13]. NOT Angelicfall v 3 [ron's web v. 11].
16:35 |
long way to go for [b]angelicfall[/b] v. uhmm.. shit. i gotta take care of this version numbering shit. i just saw an old post that says angelicfall iii. grrr. gotta clarify this.
4/23/04 16:39 |
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08.22 another long day. oh well, might as well work. at least i have a framed photo of me and tep by my side. at least there's something pretty to look at in this so tech looking desk. (at home, my desk REALLY looks human... dirty.. disorganized... etc.).
i miss her... =(
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11.22 i was excited that i was given the priviledge of having a logon to company stuff. to my dismay, they mispelt my last name. the supervisor told me it would take a couple of days, i guess the change won't be in effect until wednesday next week.
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12.03 shit. i have been pissing for the last two hours with fifteen minute interval. fuck. what is going on? is my bladder busted? grrrr.
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13.41 just got back from lunch. the supervisor just gave me a new workset. from the way it looked like, i'll be working on that for the next two weeks.
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14.03 i ran into the men's room about a couple of minutes ago. the manager left the toilet door unlocked. i walked in on his personal moment. i said "oh shoot, sorry" while i walked out of the room.
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16.18 the weather outside is surprisingly hot compared to yesterdays. shit, more pimples are coming. =( and to think that i lost most of it last winter.
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16.33 i finished the skeleton of the website at angelicfall.org or the basic flowchart of the pages (excluding function flowchart). next up, project and function flowcharts. i know i should've drawn the project flowchart first, but oh well.
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11.22 i was excited that i was given the priviledge of having a logon to company stuff. to my dismay, they mispelt my last name. the supervisor told me it would take a couple of days, i guess the change won't be in effect until wednesday next week.
¤·¤·¤·¤
12.03 shit. i have been pissing for the last two hours with fifteen minute interval. fuck. what is going on? is my bladder busted? grrrr.
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12.26 i miss my girlfriend. wonder what she's having for lunch aside from that fat ridden food i bought yesterday?
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13.41 just got back from lunch. the supervisor just gave me a new workset. from the way it looked like, i'll be working on that for the next two weeks.
¤·¤·¤·¤
14.03 i ran into the men's room about a couple of minutes ago. the manager left the toilet door unlocked. i walked in on his personal moment. i said "oh shoot, sorry" while i walked out of the room.
¤·¤·¤·¤
16.18 the weather outside is surprisingly hot compared to yesterdays. shit, more pimples are coming. =( and to think that i lost most of it last winter.
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16.33 i finished the skeleton of the website at angelicfall.org or the basic flowchart of the pages (excluding function flowchart). next up, project and function flowcharts. i know i should've drawn the project flowchart first, but oh well.
creepy... 16:11 |
i tried writing a short story earlier. but fuck, halfway down, i myself got creeped out from my imagination.
i was trying to write a creepy story based on: infidelity (the storyboard went on with the main guy cheating on one of two main girls), murder (man murdered the two main women), incest (man committed incest after sleeping with the fused offspring, only to find out that she was his daughter), hallucinations (giant sabretooth tiger, speck of light in a void of darkness), dreams, nightmares (the story goes as if it was real), fetishes, fantasies gone wrong (fantasy: sleeping with two girls, what went wrong: murder), mystery (what is wrong with the main guy?), horror, death, religion (his beliefs are mixed that it causes oxymoronic problems in him), rationality (he tries to rationalize anything that goes wrong, but with baseless rationality), cultural fusion of material (ie, mongolian sword in a japanese house owned by an american) and non material (names, salutatations, language, ie, Filipino kid, speaking French in Russia with Catholic and Gothic beliefs) things, technology (two dying fetuses mixed to create one in hopes to give a single life a life).
yeah. i got creeped out. :( i will NOT continue writing the story. i got depressed doing so to the point that i almost threw up my lunch. sorry. i'll write something else.
4/20/04 16:39 |
thank you...
to all the women in the world, who in one way or another, changed man's point of view and sometimes creates tents with them...
to all the entertainers, who shared their imaginations to the world and at the same time entertain, and also for creating scary movies that'll help men with their dates (and also give women an excuse to cling on).
to all the writers, publishers, researchers, who shared information they know to the rest of the world, like novels, books, literotica, which some of them, one way or another, contains questionable materials.
to all the journalists, news casters, their staff, who not only tried to look good on tv, but also reported whatever is happening around the world, and also sharing the details of our favorite artists' lives that includes sex, death, etc.
to all the hackers, phreakers, crackers, credit card frauders, virus/worm writers, who not only created problems, but also created jobs, and stimulated the economy in their bad way.
to all the security people, who not only protected us from people who wants to hurt us, but also for the things they'll notice about you when you fall in love.
to all the people who helped clog the traffic, and their way of asking you to spend time with yourself and how they'll stick the finger at you for no apparent reason.
to all the religions, who brings forth peace in the minds of their followers.
to all the perverts, monsters and predators, who created angry people, which developed into superstars and rockstars, idols, and people to look up to.
to friends, who not only we turn to, but also people that we would consult on our dark days, and sometimes people that we would share our darkest secrets.
to the people i worked with, and still working with... for giving me a chance to understand how to live life in varied ways, and for helding the hand when i needed help.
to the jesuits, who taught me the one principle that i'm not having an oxymoron with... to be a man for others.
to the internet, who changed my life completely... it has became part of my life that in a way, it is one of the windows to the world outside. it has became one of the deciding factors that helped me decide on where i want to work, and how i'll get there. and of course that girl who introduced me to the internet (whom i can't remember HER name, HER face... all i can remember was the name she called me... richard, which really is not).
to teptep, who in one way or another, helped purge out the negative things i have in life, and helped me focus on my situation... thus helping me bring out the best... in me. not only that, but she also helped me heal the growing distance i have with my family. "give your mom a hug and a kiss..." little ways that helped me mend things... she also helped me believe that love does exist, for all i cared before was hatred and anger. she also help me heal my relationship with the lord almighty, by helping me believe more... as i was questioning without reason the existence of god before. thanks to her, i learned to live in a life of patience as i slowly diminish the walls i built around me during the last six years. she made me stronger =). i'm her savior? no... she is my savior (not the messiah), not only have i surrendered hopes of death, but i surrendered my inner being to a much worthy cause. and a lot more...
to my family, who stood by me, no matter how much i distanced myself. who i turn to when a girl breaks my heart. who i turn to when i'm broke. who i turn to when i liked a girl and i have no idea how to date a girl. who i turn to when i have a problem regarding color coordination when i don't wear all black. who gives me a lot better explaination for whatever disappointment i have, etc. etc. etc. a bunch of small things they did in my favor... and of course, for giving me a chance to live in my own little way.
... and a lot more
project: angelicfall 2.0 4/19/04 09:11 |
theme: goth/grunge/communistic
basic structure:
- home/index: will reuse materials from ron's web 10.0 (here), and will also contain the blog and comments from haloscan here.
- about/history: about ME, about the channel, and how i picked up angelicfall
- media: includes personal photos, family, and my portfolio (yeah, this time i'm posting my work!)
- write-ups: the essays i've written (i suck at writing gramatically correct essays, but hooloo, i'll post em anyway), if it's written well, give credit to my mom, my sister, my dad and/or my teptep.
- links: links to my favorite sites
- guestbook (if i can, angelicfall.org/gb)
- the phases: what made me. (not really sure about this one, but this is a "spurt" of the moment). how i became what i am now, and the things i went through (more like photographs from my childhood down to the present, and how my sense of style evolved, which is pretty much, OUT of style. ahaha). from the young introverted boy of gradeschool... down to the loose, i'm-showing-you-my-underwear, pants... to the, i-can't-walk-without-holding-my-crotch, baggy pants (spikeys included!)... and to the present... the grungy, goth, angry, i-want-to-be-outside-of-the-norm, kinda guy (hippie long hair included!).
- bukidnon, my home: was thinking about presenting bukidnon in the page... hmmm. i wonder, will people even look at it?
project: igsp 09:10 |
theme: simplified modern
basic structure:
- home/index: will ask paeng on profile, news, updates and tag board also goes here.
- the administrative staff (will put basic profile based on friendster profiles only)
- the oppers: same as admin staff
- history: paeng mentioned that this was a real society in the philippines, i guess i have to base it on that.
- the rules and regulations
- photos
- guestbook (if i can, igsp.angelicfall.org/gb)
project: homecourt 09:09 |
theme: simplified abstract
basic structure:
- home/index: based on friendster profile, news, updates and tag board also goes here.
- the administrative staff (will put basic profile based on friendster profiles only)
- the oppers: same as admin staff
- history: not entirely sure about this, i mean, how can i find a history for this?
- the rules and regulations
- photos
- guestbook (if i can, hc.angelicfall.org/gb)
project: homecourt 09:09 |
theme: simplified abstract
basic structure:
- home/index: based on friendster profile, news, updates and tag board also goes here.
- the administrative staff (will put basic profile based on friendster profiles only)
- the oppers: same as admin staff
- history: not entirely sure about this, i mean, how can i find a history for this?
- the rules and regulations
- photos
- guestbook (if i can, hc.angelicfall.org/gb)
08:36 |
let me assess this...
project: homecourt
status: resigned on 01/06/04
status: retook job on 03/20/04
note: will take friendster profile into consideration to come up with a site theme. i aint that creative remember? will reassign site to: hc.angelicfall.org or homecourt.angelicfall.org, whatever is easier to remember.
projected completion date: june 2004
project: igsp
status: still working on
note: still working on a design fit for the channel, might as well put the site at igsp.angelicfall.org to give it a better URL.
projected completion date: june 2004
project: angelicfall 2.0
status: began working
note: i know i skipped version numbering, but oh well, imma go ahead with naming it 2.0, since 1.0 will never come to light. (i'm going to post the 1.0 beta here).
domain status: still trying to contact unixcon for angelicfall.com, it appears that my domain registration was screwed up after that fbi mishap two months ago. purchased angelicfall.org with complete web services. waiting for registration company to build the domain.
projected completion date: july 7, 2004
project: tep's home
status: unknown
projected date of completion: unknown
note: will assist tep on her page only. :)
08:20 |
i was lost, and still is lost, but i regained one thing that i haven't held for awhile... hope.
it's not easy to understand situations, however, some situations are easier to understand when you have to withdraw from being with it and spend time with the person we don't really come in contact with... yourself.
i spent several days as a hiatus and to rediscover my being and sanity. i guess it's ok to say that i'm better off today than last week. i spent time reminiscing moments while alone, a lot of times i would write these thoughts to my physical journal, and draw doodles on my sketchpad. armed with this, i was able to rearrange my thoughts and made myself a favor. i created a voluntary surrender to my own.
to the priest that celebrated the mass yesterday, thank you, that was a worthwile homily, and it made me think through. not only that, it also helped me think clearer.
i guess it goes like this... i'm back, did you missed me? :P
fucking retard... 00:41 |
am i supposed to be affected this way? somebody corrected my grammar, and i'm thankful for it. however, why do i feel as if i'm a moron? shucks, i guess i need to practice on my writing.
i know i suck. :(
4/12/04 13:47 |
to people who know me very well, would think that what i have in mind is next to impossible, especially with my impatience over the things i do.
what am i thinking? i'm thinking of rebuilding my homepage... as i have always been for the last year or so. i came up with two betas (you can find the link on one here). the other beta was rejected by my manager, "you looked as if satan was with you," was her comment. that wasn't my intent, but i wanted a goth feel of the website, i guess i will have to tone it down a bit on the darkness stuff.
as i experimented with flash last night, it was so neat, since i can import video clips and use them for my website. now i can grab some video clips from the las vegas trip and the other videos i took years ago.
it's funny that i took those videos, just for the heck of it, and now i found some use for it, even for the lame ass photos i took on my own that doesn't make sense, but i saved those anyway.
good thing i forgot to return my sister's camera in the truck. i played with it and took a shot that i might use for the new layout of my homepage.
i know it'll be version 13. tsk tsk. nobody even saw 10... tep saw 11 and 12... but that was it. hahaha. i guess i'll have to start renaming it from ron's web 13, to the angelicfall 2.0.
i guess i'll be paying $39 a year. 150MB aint that bad. that's huge if you ask me.
shit, i was wondering what happened to my domain. tsk. i better fix that first.
so what's the plan?
the website i'm trying to creat is:
- completely flash, html and xml integrated
- all graphics made by me (like here, except that there's few graphics here!)
- instead of starting with the content, i'll start with the skeleton of the site (folders, templates, etc)
- reuse blog entries
- latin or goth language in the menus (how about visaya?)
- upload more portfolio.
- play with photoshop (as always)
- play with other graphics program.
- make my own guestbook
- theft protection (graphic theives!)
skeleton:
www\index
\blog\photos\photos\subdir
\portfolio\graphics\guestbook\writeups
so basically, i need to write THREE major files.
1. the main template
2. the introduction
3. the blog xml feed - html relationship
the rest of the pages will follow the template, and for some minor changes to fit the content.
10:24 |
when i woke up today, something was different. i don't know what it was, but i went on with my usual morning routine. after receiving my girl's wake up call, i just lay there, looking at the ceiling. i wasn't really thinking nor sleeping, but i felt something was different. hopefully it was something for the better.
still naked, i slowly stood up as if in a slow motion film. i grabbed my black bathroom robe, and picked up the stuff i need to prepare my morning. i opened my bedroom door, and i noticed that everyone except me was still sleeping. it was cold for a spring morning, but i headed to my parents' room andi woke them up.
after hearing their familiar voices, i headed to the bathroom. i turned the shower on so that the room can become warmer. as i waited, i lit a cigarette and think about the things and uncertainty of the future. things like my destiny and purpose in life.
slowly, the room filled with steam. i threw my cigarette in the toilet and stripped. i adjusted the shower to make myself comfortable.
i went on with the usual routine. even thought my mind was miles away, i managed to make my thoughts clear.
i left around 6:45am, taking my lunch with me, i headed for the freeways. as i was driving along pioneer, i thought, maybe i should try the other route?
so i went to the other route. it was heaven. now here's something really different, i thought. my girl called, we talked and i listened to her intently. i thought, man, i must be one lucky bastard to have a thoughtful girlfriend like this.
after the call ended, i lit another cigarette and watched other drivers. how come i felt that i was the only person in the freeway to be able to smile in a stressful environment like this?
my girl called, i threw my cigarette and we talked, as she cusses and curse other drivers, i just laughed and told her to relax. i asked myself, why am i this relaxed? i was about to exit, and told her that i need to hang up. (one of the reasons why sometimes stick shifts are annoying). several minutes later, i was in the office parking lot. i called her back, we talked, and she said "i like this song from the peppers," me too was my reply.
since our minutes was burning up, we have to hang up and i just told her to call me when she gets there. i was thinking of telling her how much i love her and a good luck to the court thingie.
i went to work, and one of the people who trains me took me for another hour of training. it was overwhelming, but i managed to hang out. at least we talked about something light and natural for me, like computer stuff.
i took my break after, and called my girl, she forgot to call. i felt bad, but oh well, can't do anything about that.
Smack the penguin!!! 4/11/04 13:36 |
this sonovabitch is so freakin addictive!
highscore for moi: 588.6
Smack the penguin!!!11
what's wrong? 4/7/04 21:57 |
shit, i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm having trouble eating at lunch, the most i could eat is less than a cup of rice (azn yo!). and i shit irregularly. i used to shit around 11pm at night AND 6am in the morning. now, it's so fucking unpredictable. whenever i feel like shitting, i run to the restroom and finds out that nothing comes out. a few moments later, i try again, little, if not none, comes out.
this is so fucking miserable.
4/5/04 15:48 |
10:00 It was probably one of the most difficult nights I’ve ever had. Not only was I falling in and out of sleep, but I was also miserable when I wake up. Cold sweat run down on my cheeks, as I shivered in the cold. I am miserable.
14:00, shit I can’t keep my eyes peeled. I’m so sleepy right now that all that my brain can think of, is a soft cotton pillow… and a warm blanket. It feels so cold, but yet temperatures are so high. It’s warm today compared to a few days ago. Shit, I wonder, will I freakin survive this shit? I don’t really know. I might not be able to make it as a regular here, I’ll become a temp forever maybe. I really want to try learning to play the piano.
14:34, I looked up some apartments, the price range was from 350 through 1,250. I wonder, what if I’ll just get my own condo? question is where?
15:12, time for my little break. that’s two fucking cigarettes for now.