i'm terribly stressing. i don't even know why. i noticed this when i'm having that pain in my chest again, like last night. i gave up on letting it pass this time and talked to my mom. i asked my mom what a heart burn is, since she was having it. yeah, i don't really know the symptoms of a heart burn, that's why i asked my mom. to my dismay, what i was feeling wasn't a heartburn. so i described the pain to my mom.

the pain i'm experiencing is sharp pain in the heart area (a little to the left of my chest, i'm sure it was the heart). when i have those "attacks," i perspire cold sweat, i can't breath, chest area is really painful (to the point that my tears would start to roll down), i'm very restless, and i can't sleep.

yeah, i've been experiencing this for the last three years and i never took the incentive of seeing a doctor. this year was probably the worse. i had 4 "attacks" (i don't really know what to call them), and all of which was so painful.

i'm considering seeing a doctor this weekend. i hope i can get an appointment by then.

what makes this even scarier is the fact that our family has a history of heart problems. plus the fact that i have a history of asthma. the possibility that i may have a heart attack is very strong, not in my age, but i just don't know. In addition to those, i also been under pressure lately. Pressure are not that great to my perspective, it may be only in my mind... but my body is giving up on the pressure i put myself into. i'm trying to rest, but i can't, i just have to deal with a lot of things that also makes my life more complicated and stressful. i want to get away from it all, even for just a week... and take my girl with me.

i don't know if tep my girl knows this...

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

The whole day I thought of nothing except wanting to go back to sleep. Yeah, I'm missing hours on my sleep all because of freakin' HTML. I thought I know the basics, but I was wrong. Of course there's a huge difference on formal education compared to self learn. Check this journal out: caffeine rush's journal, it seems like a very trip sided journal. This guy/gal make me so curious about the way he talk about people. Whatever the reason is, I can find that he's using "coñoism" to do something out of boredom. Yeah, I do believe that this isn't foh realz.

However, I do believe that there are hatred revolving in the comments section. I don't hate any schools, I've been to six schools, and no matter how negative on what people say about those schools, I can find a way to go against it.

Yeah, I'm mixed culture. lol. I mixed of Catechism, Morality, different belief systems (Not all schools are driven by Catholics, I'm guessing that it influenced our classes in a way, and besides, not all teachers are Catholics...) plus my own ventures through information across the net. (gothic, humanistic, satanic [don't worry, it helped me believe against evil], and other different cultures across the world, and other subcultures existing in a single city.)

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

yeah yeah yeah, i update my salvation and destruction blogs whenever i have the urge to do so. i just updated both at the same time, which is rare, cause they are complete opposites.

i'm ron and i'm looking forward to seeing the girl of my life. =) luv u steph.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

I was window shopping on my Internet Explorer 6 a few days ago and I came across several silver items. Shucks, they look so good. I want my hands on em. haha

I chose some silver jewelry for my "Secret Santa." I can't even fucking figure out if the person who picked my name up, have the guts to show up at HotTopic, or maybe he or she has the guts to buy it online.

But dude, I'm the only one in the office weird enough to have the guts to go into a Torrid or Hot Topic store.

oh well. it's up to her/him. hehehehe

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

I'm thinking...

Where would I be ten years from now?

Could it be....

hmmmmmm

wish ko lang. =)

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

Can you smell it?

No really, can you smell Christmas? It's not that far off isn't it? It's that time of sharing and loving we all know. It's time to reminisc those moments again. I know we all do this every day, but let's think about it on Christmas Eve, when we would remember the nice moments we spend it with our love ones. For those who has love ones that are across the globe, don't be sad. Take this season to relax and ease out on your everyday stress and just remember those that you love that also loves you.

What can I remember? Well, it's nothing new... there hasn't been a very lively Christmas here. All I can do is keep comparing them to the past Christmas Reunions we had back in Pangantucan, Bukidnon. Yup, that far. I could still taste that alcohol we drank when I was 16. Sheesh. The taste lingers as the memories of me and my cousins getting drunk, and starting a bon fire at a local high school. Yeah, we made a bon fire inside a highschool grounds. I don't even know what we drank on my last Christmas there. Oh well.

It's been four years since the last time I touched based with my mother land. I know it's not that long compared to other people, but it's difficult to handle as hell. The more I reminisc about the moments, the harder it is to keep my foot on stable ground here.

I can smell Christmas. I can smell pine tree Christmas trees. I can smell chestnuts roasting. I can smell the change in temperature. It's Christmas alright.

When was the last time you gave your mom a hug? a kiss? said I love you? I gave my mom those for the first time in three years. Nope, I never forgot, but I never tried. I was on the brink of giving up my life's challenges, when I saw my mom. I told myself, without her, how could I even live the way I'm living now? I'm in comfort, I know that. The problems I have are all due to my own judgements, and my mom has been there to hold me up. Even my family are there to back me up on my plans too.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

teptep (tĕp'tĕp)
v

1. To blink

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

my porn names:

jack sta. cruz (our first pet was jack, and we live in a street called sta. cruz)
cutie daffodil (bwahah my villa candida name)
odie jetmore (nax americanized name. lolz. i didn't really had a pet when we lived in paramount before, but whatever, this is john's pet)
odie bayla (yeah we never had a pet here in norwalk, but who cares? haha)

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

whoa. mapquest maps are getting a lot better. two years ago their maps on the philippines was just maps, no streets even. it's slowly improving now. woohoo. wonder how long it takes for a drive from los angeles, ca, usa to malaybalay, bukidnon, ph? lolz years ngali.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

i lost my visa check card yesterday.

fuck.

god damnit. i hope i cancelled that mofo on time.

shit shit shit

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

the interview didn't go well yesterday. two interviews down the drain. as if i can do anything about it. i tried really hard but who cares. fuck.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

it's not always easy to understand why things happen. one reason or another they just happen.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

Time flies like a speeding metrolink down the tracks. Winter is coming again, and it's impossible to stop it from coming. But yet again, I wanted it to. i love winter. the skies darkens its gloomy details of chilly weather. i don't care if i drive while my hands are hurting from the temperature. i don't care if i easily get brainfreeze. i wanted winter.

autumn leaves are falling, a signal for winter to come. there's even early snow in the mountains of san bernardino, even though most of the forests were balded by the renegading fire last week.

yesterday, i realized several things that i never thought i would reconsider. i am in fact a mild goth. i kept denying my self as a goth until berna asked me. she asked, what's with the black? are you goth? from our topic of christian humanism and religion, we talked. yeah, there's this one belief that i hold on makes me a goth. no it's not those heavy black and white make up. i don't wear those shit.

i believe that death is not the end of humanity's beauty. in one way or another, we still have beauty when we pass away. yup, a lot of people consider this as a weird belief. i think so too, but i like the idea. as a born catholic, and raised in catholic neighborhood and catholic schools, i believe that when we die, we are remembered . this belief is thus a very christian belief. it doesn't clash with my other belief which is goth.

yeah, i'm weird. but the cold season will make me look less weirder. i wear all black... which is very common on cold season. silvers gives me a tad of color. it's a damn good excuse to hide my weirdness.

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |

it felt like an eternal and blissful pass
when the jungles take over the mass
feel free to join my army of grass
and be one with the nature of class

hold on to the thoughts and ghouls of hellish trend
wimper and cry against the heavens' will to tend
take pride and keep your journey until it ends
and side with the devil to an explosive end

Posted by Ron AngelicFall | |