i recently married bohomoho last july 7, 2007 at malaga cove in rancho palos verdes. i am proudly wearing a wedding band. the angelicfall is my name that signifies the love that i have with bohomoho i met an angel and i fall, the angelicfall. random musings of the angelicfall, a married guy.
I've lived a thousand lifetimes to find a soul like yours. A soul so pure, a soul so brave. An angel that takes my breath away. I want to lie with you forever my passion knows no bounds. I want to shield you from all evil, protect this love we've found. Love me with your spirit, promise we'll never part; We are not the same as others. We are forever lovers
--sherry, the crow
oh god, i've been searching using different search engines to find the title of that song! that song that's been played by nu107. =( it sounded like a musical presentation thingie. oh little boy... angel gabriel... i can understand.. i was behind holding your hand... tears... little boy... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa HEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i got an ego booster earlier.
"Ron! I know you're very smart! You're not giving yourself time to do so!"
ok. payn. i'll gib it all my paking pri taym to do dos pepper.
I was looking at my stat counter and I found various people searching with google and yahoo. I would say about 25% are looking mostly about sex. A mere 10% are looking for Pompeii Disease. Shit, it reminded me how I felt so helpless towards my brother, his wife, and their son who have the pompeii disease. My nephew was first diagnosed with SMA-I or "Spinal Muscular Atrophy type I." see my old post here: Parenting
To quote,
ory stimuli, and an alert appearance are typical. A postural tremor of the fingers is seen only occasionally in SMA1. Intellect is normal. Respiratory manifestations include: abnormal chest shape (long, narrow, bell-shaped due to costal recession) and abdominal distension due to diaphragmatic breathing. Severe weakness includes: bulbar weakness with sucking and swallowing difficulties, weak cry, gross motor developmental delay, symmetrical affecting the limbs and axial musculature, legs more affected than the arms, proximal muscles are more affected than the distal muscles, jug-handle position of the arms, flaccid, abducted shoulders and internally-rotated frog position of the legs, abducted hips, flexed knees, externally-rotated feet.
quoted without permission from NIDRR Rehabilitation Research and Training Center in Neuromuscular Diseases (RRTC/NMD) with their disease definition: Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type I
With this type of disorder, everyone in the family was of course, scared. It was basically a nightmare. In any case, they went to Manila to have it rediagnosed, and doctors in Philippine General Hospital was able to get to the conclusion that it was Pompeii Disease. As for resources for Pompeii Disease, I wasn't able to find info about it, but will be sharing them to anyone interested on it.
Soon I'm putting up a page dedicated to Pompeii Disease on my new site, so you guys check back on the status. As for the guy who emailed me what happened to Basti not too long ago, yeah, he's doing great. They came back from North Carolina a few months ago, and the clinical trials of Duke University is still at it's infant stage. Basti is still getting infusion once every month, and from the way he looks, he is improving.
check out my deviant page and check this deviation. hehehe deviantART: poolside view of a girl
today on 1999, a couple from the phillipines came. these two was pretty much shocked to find out that lax was completely comparable to naia. both was even surprised that the temperature wasn't cold as they were warned before, it was actually as warm as the philippines. lastly, lax wasn't as clean as what they perceived it to be.
ok. enough raquet about that. yeah, you heard me, i never did like it here when i came. it was stubborningly stupid. it was boredom at the height of freedom. country of the free, yeah, i know, but if you can't drive... sorry.
These were the ways me and my sister got rid of boredom when we got here:
1. sleep
2. chat
3. water the garden
4. wash the dishes
5. clean the bathroom
6. smoke
7. watch tv
8. sleep
9. eat
no wonder i gained weight during my 3 month absentee in social aspect in addition to my 6 month fattening program in manila. lol. yeah i drink a lot. my sister, my cousin, and i would buy frostee shakes and 6 one liter bottles of red horse from 711. if we're broke, my cousin and i would just buy tanduay from a closer sari² store and get ourselves wasted. on the weekends, my other sister would treat us out to a club. our favorite is street life in glorrieta, i love their mongolian food eat all you can. after eating, we would get down to business... dancing, drinking beer/hard drinks, whatever.
four years had elapsed since those things happened. i miss chowking by the u.s. embassy. i miss making pa kyut to those glorrieta girls and those chicks in the u.s. embassy. i am longing for home. =( i tried forcing myself to deny this, but, it always comes back.
happy fourth anniversary of boredom to me...
it's always a good thing if you answer "i don't know" when you really don't know what to answer, but a bad thing if you do, but you don't know what to say. i'm here because i know that i am a human being, and being a human being is creating my own world within the walls and bounderies of my mind. we do have biases on our own, because every single human being is completely different from each other. sure we can find someone who we think are the same to us. however, i think different, i know i am unique in a sense that i don't consider people that i always hang out with, the same as me. neither did i considered my girl to be the same as me. i hang out with people because, one way or another, i can relate to them.
we are different. i am different and we can't do anything about it, but make it complement the difference of another person. however, there are questions on my mind that doesn't really follow through my thinking. i have not touched these questions for awhile nor have i dissected it's entirety and put biases into consideration. Three of these questions are, why do i exist? do i have a purpose? are the things i'm doing has a purpose? is it for the good? is it for the bad? do i hold any importance on my existence in this world? or am i just a human being struggling in this world? questions like these are completely impossible to answer, i know it's even harder to scientiffically analyze those and it'll be even harder to do because i am analyzing myself. maybe i'm just too self centered to do this, but whatever.
i don't know if i exist for a reason. for some reason, life becomes more complicated the more we age through it. bills on the left, school in the right, work on the left, and a bunch of other reasons that we can't even start imagining. it's difficult to suggest that life is meaningless, but what is the meaning of living? different perspectives can be taken into consideration, one would be the religious aspect, we exist because god loves us. another aspect, is the scientific aspect, we exist because of the evolutionary process. but these doesn't answer the question what is the meaning of life. i'm sure everyone can come up with a list of things that could become our reason to keep on living. what exactly is it for? i don't know. let's start with biology, why do i breath? because my lungs automatically do so. chemistry? why does my body produces such and such chemicals? because chemical reactions create such things. physics? uhh... let's make this easier, why do i want to keep on living? i'm not a part of the hedonistic society, but yeah, receiving pleasure from life feels good. and so is falling in love, loving people, caring for people is as rewarding, nevertheless sometimes painful. i'm guessing that life's meaning is just on us, we live because we want to care for people (social aspect), because we want to be on top (political), because we want to heal the world (religious), we want to question everything (scientific/philosophical), we want pleasure (hedonistic), and we want to create a much better world (social psychology/political). i know i became redundant. oh well.
i can't answer the first question, i doubt nobody can, but another question that relates to the first one arises. Am i doing something for a purpose? or the sole purpose of doing it is because i live through it? i get pleasure from pleasing anyone, but what for? for my own pleasure?
do i even have an importance in the society? i mean, if i did not existed, would it make a difference? I simply don't know. I don't even know if I became a part of somebody else's life, by because of me, his life changed it's course all because of a minor thing that i did. did i even do anything beneficial to anyone? am i a kiss ass person?
it all comes down to one thing, my destiny cannot be figured out, it's all about what i do not know.
it'll be me and my sister's fourth year anniversary of stay here in california, it seems like yesterday when me and my sister would smoke only half our cigarettes and save the rest for later. it seems like yesterday when i would spend countless hours sitting on my desk just writing about anything.
it seems like yesterday...
oh lord god almighty,
my shepherd and my guide,
help me gain strength in this battles of life
lord, i ask your grace in the mercy on my knees
as my strength slowly dwindles in pain,
i ask strength for me to hold on
and to keep on caring for her
lord have mercy.
i'm here in front of the computer and thinking about a lot of things. we all do. i'm thinking about my girl, and how she's doing, hoping she'll get well. I'm thinking about my future, my problems... whatever. a lot of things. but nuff about that.
it hit me, am i really up for computer science?
why i want it:
[+] I love computers
[+] It's still the times
[+] It is already a part of society
[+] I spend most of my time infront of the computer for fun and other serious stuff
[+] All the work I have is computer related or pertaining to the use of computer
[+] My life revolves around computers (paying bills, etc.)
[+] Money
why I don't want it:
[-] I don't really like coding
[-] I'm notoriously known for being lazy on coding
(my homepage is hybrid: partly text written and visual)
[-] I can't remember codes that well
[-] I love math, but that doesn't mean I like integrating them on
codes, in which compsci does
[-] I can't sit infront of the computer the whole day debugging, i hate debugging
[-] I'm not really up to developing programs nor games or whatever
[-] It feels like computers are more like leisure for me
[-] Everyone's a computer geek nowadays
Which really gives me a hard time to decide...
Back at One...
I wanted to be a Doctor of Medicine or geneticist before, I am reconsidering this stand, since I've wanted it the whole time between kinder and highschool.
Why I still want it:
[+] I care for people
[+] I worry about people's health
[+] I wanted to find out more about genetics
[+] I grew up in a medical household (My aunt being a doctor, my sister
being a BS Bio Major)
[+] There were several cases where I researched on different diseases,
genetic illnesses, etc. all because I just want to know about them, not because I have to
[+] i don't pass out in the sight of blood, unless it's my own
[+] i love to listening to stories pertaining to people's status
And the downside:
[-] Do I really want to spend that much on medicine?
[-] I don't know if I can stay up that long caring for a patient
[-] i get easily confused, can i survive medicine?
[-] i have an extremely bad temper
[-] i easily get irritated by questions i deemed
stupid (in medicine YOU CANNOT do this)
How about journalism?
Accounting?
graphic design?
web design?
psychologist?
musician?
shoe shine boy?
don't have time right now. i'll finish up alter
i am
i am one
i am ron
i am karl
i am who i am
i am who you don't think i am
i am negative
i am pessimistic
i am bored
i am lifeless
i am not suicidal
i am goth
i am darkness
i am hell
i am pain
i am love
i am crying
i am weeping
i am laughing
i am confused
i am violated
i am the one who climbed the wall of filth
i am the one who slid down the slope of guilt
i am the one who hanged by the ropes of hope
i am the one who has a dangling modifier
i am the one who speaks of death, but i am scared of it
i am a believer of faith, but i doubt eternity
i am not an atheist
i am not a theist
i am whatever the fuck i am
i am in love
i am hate
i am wisdom
i am myself
i am the one who have himself
i am...
heaven.
i cry in the virge of insanity
hold me and touch me gently
for i weep in the absence of clarity
i cringe in the hell of pain
i suffocate in my own vain
the floor is where i'm lain
i feel tired.
i want to go away from all the troubles.
i feel sick.
i just want to spend a day doing nothing, but spending a serene day with someone.
my legs hurt. my arms hurt. my back hurts. my brain hurts. my neck hurts. my lungs hurt.
fuck. fuck. fuck.
i adore thee under the everlasting covenant of the lord. lord jesus christ help my soul conquer all my fears in this world of destruction. oh lord, the only son of god almighty, lord of the heavens, shepherd of the people, i ask thee for grace.
"i love you
you love me
let's get naked and get nasty
...
pull that shotgun out that door
and shoot that barny to the floor
no more happy dinosaur"